I Like What I Am Going To Do

Heyy it's Sunday!

This week was weird... For some reason all of the homesickness I felt at the very beginning of my grant came back to hit me real hard.

But yesterday I went to the Mercado de arte, a pop-up art gallery in the central plaza three blocks away from me, and walking through the gallery helped pull me out of my funk.

This collection in particular was the catalyst:

Architecture of Collapse - Mariana Bersten

I had been walking around, kind of mopey and moody, being all serious while I looked at the art... and then I rounded a corner and saw the first three photos shown in this collection on the wall and I literally started laughing out loud.

The "I-don't-give-a-f***" expression on these women's faces as the house seems to be falling apart around them is perfect.

Also the cat's expression in the third photo:

This is my favorite... I considered buying a print until I realized how expensive they were

These photos just looked exactly how I felt, and seeing that expressed in art made me suddenly feel a lot better.

Some more pictures from the day:

Afternoon in Plaza San Martin, the pink blossoms say that spring is starting... that white tent along the side of the plaza is where the gallery was set up.

Everyone was really really into this artist's stuff... it was cool (photographs that had be cut into slices)

Ameeericuh

There was a whole section inside the building, too, with free drinks and this crazy looking screening area!

Zona Habitada: Inhabited Area

"focus your phone's camera on the remote control and see the invisible"... basically I think they were just trying to get me to take a picture. They succeeded.

Little polar bear buddy looking at his reflection in the mirror

I had to take a picture of this photo because I have NO IDEA what the point is but I assume it is about the States/California/Florida/Idaho...??? the paper on the person on the right says "IDAHO," by the way, if you can't read it.

There was a bunch more art, but I felt bad taking pictures of all of it so I don't get to show you-- but there were cool neon signs (displayed by my own apartment owner, who represented several artists), these beautiful jungle images that were manipulated so that they were vertically invertible (almost like a mirror-image but not quite identical), some abstract paintings of light blues and greys that my parents would have loved... so many other works.

As I continued to walk around the Mercado de arte, I found a series of journals on the wall displayed by one artist. The journals were filled with drawing and musings, and one of the lines felt particularly relevant to me:

"Me gusta lo que voy a hacer. Aunque no sé lo que es."
 I like what I am going to do. Although I don't know what it is.

The whole page was filled with similar contradictions, taking the uncertainties and losses and anxieties of the artist and turning them into something hopeful.

It's nearing the end of August, and it's less than 3 months until my grant term ends. In a way three months is kind of a lot, but in a way it's also not. I've been thinking more and more about where my life will take me after the Fulbright grant, and the truth is I have no idea.

I know that I want to come back to the Bay Area. Other than that... what I have are a lot of passions and interests that have followed me from home to Argentina and back, things that I want to incorporate into my life (in no particular order):
- equity through education
- activism and social justice
- circus and aerial arts
- creative storytelling, especially digital storytelling and video games
- technological literacy
- bilingual environments/existing in and using both Spanish and English
- music, both listening to and playing it (I'd like to begin playing the cello again, which I haven't done since I left for college at the same time that my cello teacher passed away)
- food... cooking, baking, learning new recipes, sharing food with others, cultural exchange through food
- mindfulness and meditation
- personal health and wellbeing, mentally and physically; self-care
- critical and reflective consumption of media
- family
- working with and learning from kids
- exploring and enjoying the natural world

I don't know how these interests will combine exactly, or what they will lead me to. But I know that they are what drive me, and because of that, I like what I am going to do, although I don't know what it is.

And I also am continually reminding myself that this "what I am going to do" doesn't only begin when I get back, it is happening now. This is my life, too. It's weird how this grant can almost feel like a break from life... like nothing I'm doing is real, or like everything else is on pause and I'm just hanging out on the other side of the world until someone presses the play button again.

But that's not what this is. Life is still happening in the world. I still have to process and respond to everything that happens, from the things that happen within my family, to the things that happen within my country, to the things that happen throughout the whole world.

And I'm also real, and what I am doing is real.

When I think about it, each of those items I listed is something I am actively seeking to make part of my life in Argentina...

Equity Through Education: My fellow Fulbrighter and I are working to use education as a tool for empowerment by discussing diverse representations of the United States in our classes. He's doing a series of lessons on the film Moonlight, discussion race and sexuality, and I recently led a presentation and discussion on gender and language focusing on the use of gender-neutral pronouns in English. I spent today researching articles and videos about the housing crisis and gentrification in San Francisco so I can create a lesson on it for next week.

Activism and Social Justice: I am doing as much as I can to read and listen and educate myself about everything that is happening in the United States so that I can do what I am able to from afar and have somewhere to start when I am able to be present in person.

Circus and Aerial Arts: I am loving my aerial rope lessons, and learning new techniques and growing as a rope artist every class. Last class we learned an inverted descent (way to get down the rope upside down) that basically looks like you are sitting upside down and walking down the rope... it hurts like asdl;fkj (like everything on rope) but it is SO COOL.

Creative Storytelling: I'm working on writing a bit on my own, but also re-reading Harry Potter in Spanish is giving me a renewed understanding of the storytelling elements that made (make) that series so captivating. And, of course, I've got this blog!

Technological Literacy: I've been working through Khan Academy classes on HTML, CSS, and the basic workings of the Interwebz (seriously, you should check out some of their videos about how the internet works, it is really powerful to understand the internet as it exists physically, in wires and radio signals and routers and all of that!)

Bilingual Environment: I switch between Spanish and English so much that when I was asked over the phone to use words as examples for each letter in a 6-letter code, I couldn't think of a single English word starting with "P" except for "Pea," which is UTTERLY USELESS. (Idk if I can blame this on the bilingualism, this might just be the fact that words are a struggle for me... but to be fair I did a far better job in a word-association game in Spanish the night before). Also, I recently met with folks at the Bi-national Center in Córdoba and am hoping to organize some activities with them before I leave.

Music: Spotify helps me keep up on all of the new releases... Lana, Lorde, Kesha... I can't get over Praying, which is amazing. But this weekend, I have had the most random songs stuck in my head... first "Hit Me Baby One More Time" (where did you come from all of a sudden, Britney??), then "Turn the Beat Around" (um. why!?), and then "Where Is The Love" (that one made a little more sense).

Food: WEeeeell... since my gas is still off right now, I've been stuck to a lot of salads and microwaved scrambled eggs, but last night I went out and tried what is supposed to be the best sushi place in Córdoba... which did not compare to SF sushi, but was not too bad and it was a really nice change from the usual food I have here. But seriously, I am dying without a stove!! I can't wait until I can start cooking again and try out new recipes! I really want to host an American Breakfast at my apartment before I leave... I even brought the pancake mix!

Mindfulness and Meditation: Still meditating every morning. :)

Self-Care: This blog, honestly, is one of the best forms of self-care... it gives me the space to reflect on where I am and what I am doing and remind myself of my motivations and purpose. But also, the fact that I have continued to go outside and engage even though I've felt pretty bleh is also a kind of self-care, and it led me to those awesome photos.

Critical and Reflective Consumption of Media: That one is easy. Well, not easy, but rather something that has become such an ingrained part of my day-to-day existence that I can't imagine living without it. I'm making more of an effort than ever to stay up-to-date on world news. I even watched the address that Pence gave in Buenos Aires this past week (yep, Pence was here in Argentina...) to a bunch of businessmen, and then discussed the rhetoric he used. And I also read lots of articles about all of the TV shows I watch and am constantly thinking about how to improve the representation of minorities in media.

Family: They're my rock. Even halfway across the world, they're the ones I call when I don't know what to do, when I'm having a bad day, when I just need to vent. And I am SO excited to be helping my parents plan their trip down here! Seriously, I've spent hours researching plane tickets and coming up with an itinerary and even calling airlines... none of those are things I enjoy, but I'm happy to do them to help my parents get the most out of their visit to the country where I have spent the last half of the year.

Working With and Learning From Kids: My students at the tertiary school aren't kids, but some of them do have kids. Did I mention that I went on a wonderful family outside with one of my students and her family?

We went to the German-style village La Cumbrecita in the sierras... absolutely stunning

The kiddos were adorable, and since the schools were preparing for Tree Day, every single time we passed a tree (which was a LOT), they would say "arrrrrrrrboles!!," rolling the r for as long as possible... I don't know why but it was so hilarious, they had us all saying it by the end of the day

Exploring Nature: In addition to trips to the areas around Córdoba, I have just planned a trip to finally see Iguazu Falls-- in just two weeks! I promise I will take pictures to share. :)

I know that the way I engage with all of these different interests is always changing, but I'm excited to see where it all goes in the next three months and beyond.