Queda mucho por sentir/There is so much left to feel

Happy Sunday <3

I am writing this post on my phone for the second week in a row, this time not because I am on a bus but because my laptop charger stopped working AGAIN.

*sigh*

At this point I am thinking that what everyone said about not needing a power adapter here was LIES because I have never had so many issues with a charger before.

Anyways, this week I spent time attending and observing classes at my teaching institute and getting to know the professors and students a little better, I went to visit a different high school (ahh the kids treated me like a superstar it was so adorable and amazing), I tried out another aerial arts class, and I did a lot of cooking and laundry. Oh, and I started listening to the second Harry Potter audiobook in Spanish and started watching Yuri on Ice, both of which are excellent. ;)

I also started a new guided meditation series, this one focused on patience, which feels appropriate given that my pace of life in Argentina is a lot slower than I was used to in the States...

For instance, here's a relatively typical day from my past week:

10-10:30am wake up (slowly)

10:30-11:30am make breakfast and eat (slowly), usually while watching a show (oatmeal with chia seeds, peanut butter, and honey is my current favorite breakfast food, but I rotate with oatmeal pancakes, scrambled or fried eggs, yogurt and fruit, or cereal and milk)

11:30am-12pm put in a load of laundry, tidy up my room and make my bed, meditate while I digest breakfast

12-1pm exercise: aerial arts class, zumba, run, yoga and core strengthening, or following along with blogilates/online videos if I am out of ideas

1-1:30pm shower and actually put on clothing/get ready for the day

1:30-2:30pm shop for groceries, stopping by several different stores to actually find everything I want to buy (there are different places for (1) good produce, sometimes multiple locations depending on the specific vegetables I an looking for (2) grains, healthy snacks, and peanut butter, and (3) tortillas... why tortillas are so hard to find here I do not know)

2:30-3:30pm chill, take laundry out and hang it up to dry wherever there is space in my room, listen to Harry Potter audiobook in Spanish, check in with friends

3:30-4:30pm cook and eat "lunch," generally my biggest meal of the day, and put 1-2 portions in a tupperware to save for dinners

4:30-4:45pm pack up for work/school, making sure to bring water bottle, snacks, and dinner

4:45-5:15pm walk to the bus stop and wait

5:15-5:30pm keep waiting and get anxious because I am going to be late

5:30-6pm get on the bus and make it to the school about 2 minutes after class is supposed to start, only to find all the students hanging out and chatting outside because the professor isn't there yet

6:05-7:35pm attend my first class, write down notes about teaching style, class organization, activities, effectiveness, etc., while also enjoying the content of the lesson (anything from medieval history of the Celts and Romans in Britain to effective lesson planning techniques, depending on which class I'm observing)

7:35-9:45pm working dinner: heat up my food in the microwaves (!! yes they have microwaves!!) and chat with students in Spanish while I eat, then head to the computer lab and log in to start developing lesson series and researching potential resources for teachers to use

9:45-11pm attend second class, continue to do the same, possibly also taking notes to share with the teacher about their pronunciation and grammar and recording new Spanish words and phrases that the class shares with me

11-11:30pm walk to the sketchy bus stop or get a ride to the less sketchy bus stop and wait for a bus

11:30pm-12am arrive back at my apartment

12-12:30am make some tea, watch an episode of Yuri on Ice

12:30-1am brush teeth and get ready for bed, write 3 things I felt grateful for during the day in my journal, turn on my sleep app and fall asleep

As you can see, the actual time spent working is probably only about 3-4 hours a day, which is in fact exactly what is stipulated by the Fulbright grant: 18 hours of work related to Tertiary English Education per week. You can imagine how weird that feels after being used to a 40-hour work week in the States.

In the rest of the time, we are supposed to be pursuing our personal project (circus, for me), which I am... I met a couple students who also do aerial arts, I've been trying to explore different circus communities, I have a class I am going to begin attending regularly twice a week, and I am hoping to get tickets to see Cirque de Soleil when they come to Córdoba in a month.

But I realized that since so much of my time has been going toward finding food and cooking, I may take on a sort of second personal project: inviting students to join me to cook American-style meals and practice speaking English. And, if they like it, maybe they can have me over to teach me their family recipes and practice Spanish with me. I've mentioned this idea to a few people and had some interest, so I think I am going to start working out the details this week (and making sure it's alright with my Airbnb host) to make it actually happen. Because I'm really proud of making myself good food! And sharing food is one of my favorite ways to spend time with people.

Some of the meals I've made this week:
- honey-garlic-soy sauce veggie stir fry over brown rice
- cheesy polenta with eggplant ragú
- stovetop eggplant parmesan (the oven has to be lit by hand and I am terrified of using it because I already struggle to light the stove with the lighter and I feel like I'm going to burn my face off if I try lighting the oven... so I fried the eggplant with the breadcrumbs, took it out and used the same pot to make the tomato sauce, and then put the eggplant in and cooked it a few more minutes in the tomato sauce. Turned out pretty well)
- grilled "tuna" sandwich with chickpeas instead of tuna, mixed with mayo and mustard and topped with sliced tomato, grilled onion, and cheese
- cheese ravioli with spinach, mushrooms, green peas, chickpeas, and a garlic-lemon-butter sauce
- and for dessert, oreo peanut butter chocolate bars... these were inspired by my aunt's peanut butter chocolate bars, but I didn't have powdered sugar or regular graham crackers or any measuring utensils, so instead I used a combination of Quaker's honey oat crackers and oreos and regular granulated sugar, and I completely guessed on the proportions... but hey they turned into bars that held together! And with peanut butter, oreos, and chocolate, you really can't go wrong on flavor.

So anyways, I love food and I think it would be a great way to bond with my Argentine students. And in addition to that, I already have a few students asking to meet up one-on-one to hang out to practice language together! :)

I am glad that things feel like they have really gotten started here, but obviously there is more than just waiting for the bus that I need to be patient with. When I realized yesterday that my computer really, for real, wasn't charging again yesterday, I may have had a mini-meltdown... The day had already been kinda rough. I had managed to knock over a very unstable shelf and break something, shattering glass everywhere. I couldn't find a broom to clean it up so had to be creative with a dish scrub and a plastic bag. We ran out of toilet paper in the entire apartment at the worst possible time of the month for me. And, despite having gotten at least 8 or 9 hours of sleep, I could not shake the feeling of drowsiness and lack of energy all day.

The thing that I have the most trouble being patient with, though, is my own desire to feel/do/be something more. I feel a lot of pressure for this to be An Important Experience, like every day needs to be filled with discovery and revelations and action. When I look back at everything the last few months have held, I can see how much I have experienced, how much I've learned. But on a day-to-say basis it can be really hard to feel that. It can be hard to feel like I'm achieving much of anything at all.

On my daily bus ride, about halfway to the teaching institute, there's graffiti on a wall that reads Queda mucho por sentir: "There is so much left to feel." (if I am translating it accurately)

I haven't been able to take a picture, because it's always at an awkward point where the bus is turning, but apparently this particular phrase is quite common because I found it with a google search.

(and it may or may not come from this heavy metal song: https://youtu.be/KjsmsBWNgH4)

I really love that I pass that message every day. It reminds me that I chose this experience knowing that I would feel many things, including the frustration and the homesickness and the uncertainty. Those feelings are real, and they help me grow, and I want to be present with them. But it also reminds me that they come and go. That other feelings will arise, as they already have, of satisfaction and wonder and excitement. And I'll experience feelings that I never expected, too.

I'm more than a month into the grant. At times that feels like a lot, and at times it feels like so little. But there are still 7 months to go, and there is so much left to feel.

//

4/30/17 update: Formatting issues should be fixed, but am skipping the pictures for this week since I wasn't able to add them to the post from my phone.